people asking me what kind of music i like is such a stressful experience
(via willwetouchthesky)
Is there anything more nauseating than ‘expensive heterosexual wedding’ culture?
My dream wedding: outside, illegal fireworks, shoes are optional, mostly potluck, someone’s dressed as a wizard, I get to insult my relatives, hopefully some live music.
You want to get married at Bilbo Baggins 111th birthday
(via lukeskywalkerisabottom)
Being a millennial is getting buyer’s remorse over a $3.83 pack of oreos.
This is genuinely hilarious but fuckin terrible
(via lukeskywalkerisabottom)
*walks around my house looking for scissors while making a scissor motion with my fingers*
(via lukeskywalkerisabottom)
nunchucks are illegal in some states but guns are not. so if you tie two guns together and create gunchucks it’s neither legal or illegal
Schrodinger’s gunchucks
(via roughentumble)
when I was 14 I worked in a grocery store and one day I got to bag Stephen King’s groceries and of course, being the little horror fiction nerd I am I was completely starstruck
I think he thought I was gonna ask for an autograph because I was not even lowkey staring I was full on moon-faced and bouncing and he kept looking over at me hesitantly like aw jeez kid fuck off
anyways I finally managed to squeak out that I was a huge fan and asked for advice on writing, “how do I write as well as you do?” in my horrible thick German accent and broken ass English and he gave me the best writing advice I have ever received
“shit kid, stop worrying about how other people do it and just write your story”
14 years later my wife and I nearly hit him with our car because he was jaywalking
However you think this story will end is wrong
(Source: moringottos, via stellarianb)
